Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
honey bunches of taint.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
