ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
