he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
