made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
