Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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