You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The Olympian is in my bed
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
