First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
