grandma shit on top of the toilet
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
