last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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