I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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