u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
