my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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