Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
