Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She bit a glass in half.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
