A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
