Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
