He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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