God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
