Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
