I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
