redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
