Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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