Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
