i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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