i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
