This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
