Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
