in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
