I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
