I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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