Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
