I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
