i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
