I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
