I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
