Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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