Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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