Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
