i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
