ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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