You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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