Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
