god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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