you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Enjoy the penises
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
