I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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