I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
