It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
