Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
