my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
