He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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